Author: Teacher Mei Yao
I read a book about children’s sex education two days ago. There is a very interesting data in it:
40%of the 6-9-year-old boy and 20%of the 6-9-year-old girl "touch the private part" with their knowledge of their knowledge.
This study comes from the sharing of Dabra W. Half, an American Intellectual Education Council (Siecus).Do you feel surprised when you see this information?Because this is not only contrasting with our domestic shy sex culture, (mother actually teaches children to touch private parts), but the number ratio is so high!This is just a child who is doing private parts that parents know.In fact, there may be more real numbers in this event, because many children 6-9 years old can already hide this behavior in front of adults.
In contrast, although we are now increasing the awareness of sex education, we are slowly willing to popularize basic education for children, but we are still very sensitive and nervous in the root cause.
I have a parent and friend. Her 2 -year -old child is very interested in his private parts. He often touches his private part with his hands, and you must touch it. You have to touch it.Touching the genitals as if I found the new continent: "My chickens are hard!" … This makes the mother very worried, is the child addicted to this?She began to warn the child severely, "How shameful! You can’t do this!" But I really don’t know how to do sex education for children, and she can only warn things every time.
But is warning and stopping really useful?After the mother found that the child became "clever", when the mother did not pay attention, she began to sneak into it …
In Hu Ping’s book "Good Jet Tongshen", investigations on children aged 0-6 showed that:
9.49%of parents believe that they can be fully able to be a child’s sex education. 80.84%of their parents think they can do part of them, while 9.67%of their parents think they are almost unable to be a child’s sex education.
38.40%of parents believe that they do not have a knowledge of sexual education for their children. 38.22%of parents know how to talk about their children. 65.52%of parents do not know how to grasp the child’s sexuality.
So how should you do sex education for young children?First, let’s first understand the three stages that the child will experience before the age of 3.
In Freud’s sexual doctrine, children aged 0-4 have a tendency to "satisfy autologous sexual desires". The performance of sexual desires in young infants is mainly the pleasure of pursuing physical aspects.This is the child’s inherent primitive driving force.This is a very normal phenomenon, not the child’s "precocious puberty".Therefore, it is normal for children to touch their private parts; it is normal to not touch private parts.
① Oral desire period.From birth to about 1 year old.Freud believes that children have dense lips and oral activities at this stage.Babies will not only obtain necessary nutrition from sucking breast milk, but also get a great sense of sexual pleasure, and fall asleep after eating full milk. This is also a manifestation of satisfaction.(It is very similar to the sexual behavior mode of adults)
② Anal desire period.From 1 to 2 years old.At this stage, children will pay attention to the anus and rectal activities. (Also at this time, many parents have started to do toilet training for their children).Children will get pleasure from defecation and control, that is, the anal desire is satisfied.At this time, the young children are very interested in the feces that they have discharged. You may also observe that the child will observe the stool carefully, and even want to stir the stool with a small stick. Maybe they will enjoy the process of rushing away to get away.
③ Sexual buds.From 2 to 4 years old.At this stage, they may begin to play with their uns developmental genitals (penis or clitoris). They get pleasure by playing with the penis or stimulating the clitoris (such as pinching or touching the chair feet).
At the age of 1-4, if the child is psychologically frustrated, such as the child’s stool and genitals that the child is loud, it may cause psychological setbacks in the process of sexual development (until adulthood)., Anti -retreat and fixed in the anal period.They may have the problem of timidity, fear of things, and even sexual dysfunction and gender relationships.
In addition to the reason why Freud’s internal primitive drive proposed by Freud, we must also pay attention to the mental characteristics of young children. They do not have much experience and methods to alleviate anxiety in life.When parents lack companionship and concern, their emotional needs are not satisfied, they may alleviate the lack and pain caused by emotion by stimulating their genitals.
Especially in the current society, parents are busy with work and study, and rarely have time to accompany their children.Many children have even had little skin in their skin with their parents since they were young.When parents finally have time to accompany their children, and often pick up their mobile phones, it is difficult to accompany themselves.At this time, the children feel bored, and they may promote their earlier ways to explore comfort.
If the child always loves to touch his genitals at home, then we can try to say to the child like this:
"It feels comfortable to touch here. (Understand)
Many adults sometimes do this (rejoicing)
But this matter cannot be done in front of others (restrictions)
And if you keep doing it, there is no time to do other interesting things!(guide)
I recently read a book about the submarine. It feels very interesting. Do you want to go and see it with me or take a Lego?(Dive attention and accompany the whole love) "" "
In this way, general children will be easier to accept.First of all, they feel that they are understood, and then they can be allowed to touch the genitals, but there are two restrictions:
a. Can’t do it in front of others
b. Can’t do it always
When the child knows a clear limit, the boundary will make the child feel safer, and clearly know when it should do.In this process, our state is also calm and natural.Finally, by diverting attention, children can know that our hands can do a lot of interesting things.In fact, a child before the age of 6 was touching their genitals. Many times, they just because they felt boring and had nothing to do.They are more psychological needs rather than physiological needs.
According to Piajie’s cognitive development theory, children will gradually start to get rid of "self -centered" after the age of 4.therefore:
The focus of sex education before the age of 4: try to satisfy the child’s curiosity, explore the body, and understand the difference between men and women
3. The focus of sex education after the age of 4: guide and respect the privacy of individuals, establish a sense of boundaries and self -protection of the body
Before the age of 3 or 4, you can observe that your child will be curious about our bodies. When you see that the reproductive organs of parents are different, you will feel very curious.At this time, you can not need to emphasize privacy education too much, but should satisfy the child’s curiosity and try to meet the child’s exploration of various organs of the body as much as possible.If conditions permit, you can also take a bath with your children, so that children can observe that adult men and women are different.If the children in the family have siblings of similar ages, they can better help them understand boys and girls, and their physiological organs are different.We can also intuitively discuss the difference between boys and girls’ body organs in the methods of picture books, puzzles, models, pictures, etc.
Try to satisfy curiosity before 3 years old and guide your children to self -cognition
After 3 or 4 years old, we have to let our children gradually realize that they need to respect everyone’s privacy.You can tell your children, "The places where your vest and pants are covered are" private parts ". Except for parents, no one can touch the private place without the child’s permission."The boundary and boundaries.Parents themselves also need to be used as an example, such as going to the toilet and changing clothes to close the door, and usually protect the children’s personal privacy parts.
Private education
Some parents always feel that they are particularly uncomfortable when they talk to their children.Then start with the name of the reproductive organs.The reproductive organs are the same as the other parts of our body.Such as men’s penis, testicles, foreskin; women’s vagina and so on.
For young children, we can use "life" such as "ass" and "chicks".The characteristics of life language are described with a proprietary vocabulary that can be understood and communicated with young children.Parents must first practice "desensitization". When the name of the genitals is as normal as the nose and mouth are as normal, then in the future, at some proper opportunities to talk about sexual knowledge, they will not feel difficult to enlighten.
Picture book "Yeah, ass!"Tell the cultural etiquette and hygiene habits related to ass
① When you take a bath and changing diapers for your child
This is an excellent time for sex education, and there will be every day, and it is natural when speaking.We can help the child wipe the body while saying the name of the body (including the genitals)
a. Girl version:
Baby, now I am going to take a bath for you.This is the inner side of your thigh, let’s wipe it.I’m going to wipe you the position of the pussy now.Let’s wipe the buttocks again.Hmm ~ scrub, it feels more comfortable!
b. Boy version:
Baby, now I am going to take a bath for you.This is your chicks, let’s wash the baby’s foreskin.It is your important body part, you have to gently!There are two testicles below, let us scrub it, and finally the ass.Well, this is clean and comfortable!
Through this way, it can help children naturally realize the organs of their bodies and their cognition of themselves.At the same time, you can take advantage of this opportunity to popularize the health knowledge of some private parts.Tell your children that our genitals are important genitals and should be protected.Do not expose them in public.
For children 0-2 years old, you may also find that they may start touching with their hands when they change their urine and the genitals are exposed. Some children are even curious and enjoyable.At this time, do not label your child, or even scold the child.They can’t connect this to the purpose of achieving orgasm. He is just exploring his body, just like touching and discovering his fingers and toes. They are just learning to explore all parts of their bodies, and they feel that they all feelTo good.We can try to say this: "Well. Touching the body feels good!" (Understanding) Then continue to change the diaper and wrap the genitals to change the urine to the child.(Weakened) Tell the child: "Here is still a stinky passage, so you should wash your hands well after touching it, just like you have to wash your hands after you go to the toilet, you need to keep it hygiene." (Guidance)
As for the stool pulled out of the little baby, we must also keep calm as much as possible to avoid passing negative information to the children.If we frown, covering our noses, and even showing disgust and nausea (sometimes they may not be able to bear it), this may be a message to the child: their body makes people feel bad.It will make children feel "I do something wrong, I’m not good."
In order to avoid children’s feelings, we can tell the child, "Oh, your diapers are wet, let’s change a clean diapers. Look, it feels more comfortable after changingIt will allow children to understand that everyone has stools and urination. This is one of the functions of genitals. Everyone is the same. They are just part of life.This is also the initial enlightenment of sex.
② When the child asked, why do women get pregnant
When we were shopping with our children in the supermarket, we saw a pregnant woman.We can also tell him that you see that the mother has a large stomach, and he has a baby in his belly.It didn’t take long for a baby to be born from her belly.
This is very natural and very easy to provide some new information. It is a good moment.
Many mothers have the habit of taking pregnancy photos.You can also use this to tell the source of life to children of elementary school.How the baby is "manufactured". Of course, this is not to tell the details of the child’s sexual intercourse, but to tell the child that the baby is a product of sperm and eggs.For a 6 -year -old child, children may still want to know how they are "combined".We can try to say to the child in this way: The birth of a baby first needs a man and a woman.In the man’s body, there is a special cell called sperm.In a woman’s body, there is a special cell called eggs.When a sperm is combined with an egg, a baby may start.Only mature men and women get along with each other. They love each other. Sometimes when they are together, men will put the penis into women’s vagina, which makes them feel good.Later, the man’s sperm came out of his body and entered the uterus through the woman’s vagina.Sperm and eggs are combined with women’s body. This is the beginning of the embryo, and the embryo will develop into a baby.
Sexual Education Picture Book "Xiaowei Rush Movement"
We need to emphasize with our children that this is a mature man and a woman, and they will have a behavior that they will have each other.At the same time, you also need to pay attention to personal hygiene and safety prevention.
③ When the child asked you what the sanitary napkin is
When the child sees that you are using a sanitary napkin, he may ask, "Mom, what is this, how do you use it?" So this is a good time to popularize what is a good time.
For children in the low grade of elementary school, many people think that if their baby is a boy, there is no need to talk about too much health knowledge about women, but this is incorrect.Because sex is always two sides.The body of men and women is special, and fertility requires men and women.Therefore, whether it is her son, child and daughter, they need to be told some women’s exclusive information, which is ideal.Both sons and daughters need to understand menstruation, but only girls need to understand the usage of sanitary napkins.
④ When you are caught by the child when you are "turning the clouds and rain"
In principle, we should try to avoid letting children see our sexual behavior in front of children.This is a kind of harm to children.Many people now live in the same bedroom with their children.So we need to think in advance how to respond to the child if you just encountered the child.
For young children, they may understand that "father presses his mother on his body. They look like they are fighting …" This may make them feel fear.They may have any questions, why do parents take off their clothes?They may feel at a loss.
Therefore, when encountering such a thing, it is necessary to communicate with children and talk at a time, which is also a good time for sex education.We can tell the children that parents are not fighting. They are hugging. This is a way to express love.Letting children understand that physical contact is a way for adults to express love.
Children may ask: Why don’t you wear clothes?We can tell the children that when our parents are lying naked and lying together, this makes us feel comfortable.But this is just for adults who love each other.Let children know that this is just an adult behavior.Not a child.
Finally, I have to tell the children that everyone has their own privacy.When everyone wants to get along alone for a while, when we close the door, we just want to stay for a while.If you want to come in, you can knock on the door first.I also have to remember to lock the door as much as possible.At least the time for the child to rush in next time can have a slow time.
Every family and culture are different, because the adults themselves have different views on this matter, so what we need to think about is how to convey the values of "touching private parts" to children.
If your family culture thinks that it is wrong to touch private parts, then you can tell TA your attitude; if your family culture believes that the private part is OK, but the child’s private experience and healthy way, then your child should also knowThis view.
But the most important point is to make the child feel: touching the private parts will not bring any bad harm to the body or spirit, and it is not ashamed.And, it should be done in a private place.
